


Fearing These Days

by riverbanks



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-07-26
Updated: 2002-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:37:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7433242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riverbanks/pseuds/riverbanks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heero is watching as Wufei takes possibly the last steps of his life. This a response to Houkan's challenge in gw-fan ml.</p><p>For archival and personal history purposes. See A/N for details.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fearing These Days

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is reposted here as part of a personal project to keep a safe archive of all my oldest fanfics that I can still find backup copies of, before they all disappear to time as fandoms move on and older sites go offline.
> 
> I can't recommend reading these for quality fiction--these fics were written about 15 years ago (as of 2016), and I haven't edited at all, since my intention was to capture some of the zeitgeist of fandom around the early 00's, when they were originally posted (including the use of headers, warnings, disclaimers, etc). They're generally quite bad and embarrassing; but they do represent a little glimpse of the fandom spaces we lost when Geocities/Angelfire went down, and to me they're a nice personal memory to look back on, too. I think that's still worth preserving.
> 
> -riverbanks (formerly Dim Genesis)

Date: June 26th, 2001  
Archive: if you want, just let me know.  
Pairings: 1+5 if you like this couple, none if you don't.  
Warnings: implicit suicide, angst, shonen-ai hints.  
Disclaimers: They're not mine. Probably not yours too.  
Notes: this is a response to Houkan's challenge on the gw-fan list. Wufei is somewhat OOC. I'm not questioning if he would or wouldn't do this, the challenge was there so all I did was to try. This fic may have a sequel if I can manage to write it one day. Just for the record, it's done as it is. C&C much appreciated. Enjoy!

 

************************************************

Fearing These Days  
By Dim Genesis (dim.genesis@gundamwing.org)

One after the other, two bare feet stepped along a safety metal bar on the left side of a bridge. His arms wide open and his eyes tightly shut, he kept walking calmly, trusting only his instincts to prevent him from falling down on the highway 40 meters bellow. One after the other, two bare feet found their way ahead while the wind kept daring two bare arms to find balance for the light body.

50 centimetres below, on the asphalt beside him, another man walked, his eyes locked on the poetic figure of an exhausted man defying himself to stay alive. The dark blue orbs silently observed every move, alert to any sign of actual danger, just in case his friend's instincts eventually decided to betray them. Much unlikely, he was forced to admit, but that was beside the point.

The point was, this was the path his friend had chosen. This was the road his friend wanted to walk upon. This was the step his friend wished to take. The last one. So he, a mere boy with still a lot to learn from those who he had once despised, couldn't do anything. Anything besides watching as one of the bravest man he had ever met found his way to absolution, after all the much that peace of mind had been searched for.

Wufei took a short breath and opened his mouth to speak for the first time in a long while.

"So, this is how he feels."

Heero looked up and frowned slightly. "Who?"

"Barton."

The Japanese shook his head, looking back to the ground. "I don't think that's how he feels."

"Why not?"

Some seconds of silent thought later, Heero smirked somewhat bitterly. "Because when Trowa walks on wires, I think he's not trying to test Duo's ability of holding back insanity."

Still with his eyes closed, Wufei didn't flinch. He merely asked in a calm tone, "You think that's what I'm doing?"

"No. I don't think so. That would be too much arrogance."

That had been a long day. One of the longest ever, as far as he could remember. It would be their last day standing by each other, and he knew it. He knew that soon, the beautiful and honourable man before him would be gone, and it couldn't be helped. Not anymore. So he allowed himself to enjoy one last silent moment of happiness in his wasted life beside someone he would never forget, observing, admiring, worshipping the austere lines of a face he had learned to cherish. One day to remember, in exchange for all the days he still wanted to forget.

One silent and significant day. Hadn't they all been like this? Hadn't it always been like this? One step back, one step forth. A turning point. One step forth, one step back. A waltz. She had been right after all, only not in the sense she had meant to be. One silent and significant day. The last one. This waltz would soon be over.

The wind got strangely colder, causing a shiver to run along Heero's spine. He glanced at his watch and back to Wufei as this one suddenly stopped walking and turned his back on him, facing the vertiginous fall. The Chinese still had his eyes closed and Heero asked himself how long he would allow that fake to go on. His thoughts were cut as he heard the familiar low voice declaring:

"The meaning of life is that it stops."

He closed his own eyes and frowned, absorbed in thinking. Then, all of a sudden, he spoke.

"Franz Kafka."

Wufei nodded. "Correct."

Another car passed by them, and another and another. People living their lives, completely ignoring the two men who had once saved it. It was for them they had fought, it was for them they were still fighting. The boy on the asphalt grinned bitterly again. It was for them that his friend was taking the final step. For them and because of them. People who lived their stupid lives like it had any greater meaning, people who gave freedom the same value they would give to a dead cockroach. People who didn't know innocence, people who didn't know justice.

Heero took two steps and reached the other, sitting by his side. His eyes wandered around, looking but not really seeing anything. He bowed his head and stared at the asphalt 40 meters below them, oddly starting to understand what could be so fascinating about trying to reach it. He looked up to see Wufei standing there, arms loose by his sides, his face showing the perfect portrait of nothingness. He sighed and looked down again.

"What are you thinking of?" Wufei asked absently.

"Nothing."

Heero waited for some insistence on the question, but quickly discarded the possibility when he reminded who had made it in the first place. He took a breath and looked away.

"From the five of us, I never thought you would come to be the suicidal one."

Wufei crossed his arms in front of his chest and managed to let out a short laugh. "You know me better than that."

"I used to think so."

No answer came for that.

Many ideas crossed Heero's mind in that while. One of them was the certainty that he had been far too naive to believe that one he would be allowed inside Wufei's own world. It had been surprising enough to be allowed inside his life. But to dive into the dark sea of confusion that was his friend's mind still was and would always be just a dream. Wishful thinking, to say the least. Another thing crossed his mind, and for absolute lack of something else to say, Heero let it out.

"You know another difference between Trowa and you?"

Wufei seemed to also wake up from some kind of daydream. "What?"

"A net to save him in case he falls."

Wufei heard that and remained silent for a while, Heero still looking away and not really wishing to hear the answer, for he knew what it would be. The Chinese stretched his arms and carefully leaned down to sit by Heero's side.

"...I have you. You are the one who saves me."

Getting no answer, Wufei firmed his grip on the cold bar and leaned back, exposing his already wet face to the warm rain and finally opening his eyes. "I could always count on you to catch me whenever I fell."

Heero didn't show any reaction. It was bad enough to know it, but to hear it made things even worst. He caught himself asking the highway if there had ever been a possibility for things turning out otherwise. He decided that he didn't want to hear the answer for this, as well. Heero lied his head on the other's shoulder, and once more they remained silent. Both shuddered from the sudden feeling that something was different in this silence. Something. It wasn't a peaceful silence, a comfortable silence as all the others. There was something else.

The silence. The last silence. One last moment together, one last moment to be what they were. The last step, and the end of the waltz.

"So, Heero... will you catch me this time?"

Heero Yuy felt a lump in his throat and something fiercely stinging behind his eyes. He ran a hand through his soaked hair and sighed deeply, accepting that there had finally come the day when he would have to give in to the madness.

"I don't think I can."

 

Owari  
~Dim Genesis~


End file.
